I Am Not a Coyote

Driving down Poplar Avenue in Memphis is exactly like playing MarioKart. The other vehicles are all driven by strange looking animal people and they are all evidently on some sort of race course. The only thing missing are mushrooms…on the road that is. Hallucinogenic mushrooms might actually explain what I see out there some days.  I kept looking for a box with a question mark on it so I could zoom out of danger or throw a green shell at someone, but in the end I was forced to rely on basic defensive driving skills. My motto on the road here:

The safest assumption these days is that I’m the only driver around me who is not talking (or texting) on the phone, putting on makeup, eating, painting their nails, and/or reading the newspaper from behind the wheel. At one point, I was in the far left (of 3) lanes and I had TWO CITY BUSES pulling out toward me…one from the left into the suicide lane and one from the right across the far right lane in front of close oncoming traffic and into the center lane right next to me. It was straight out of Moonview Highway. I feel lucky to have survived the 3-mile trek from downtown.

This morning I was supposed to run but was sidetracked by a sinus headache…the third in 4 days. I have often entertained the possibility that going for a run might actually stop a sinus headache. I imagine my collective foot strikes shaking loose whatever is creating pressure in my sinus cavities and my headache miraculously disappearing. The problem is that I only entertain such thoughts after the headache is gone. The only thoughts I entertain during the headache are popping Ibuprofen and laying down with pressure on the offending pain.

But have I ever mentioned that I need to run. Just like I need to write.I am not always good about giving myself the things that I need. I am quite good at giving myself things that I don’t need and I spend hours pondering why this is true. Is it just easier to distract myself with Facebook or food or Candy Crush or a rerun of Castle? I mean really…why is it so hard to give myself the things that I need? To be continued…

This morning, after the Ibuprofen kicked in, I spent about 30 minutes on Facebook and can I honestly say that it is responsible for both the most minutes wasted during my day but also some of my most entertaining thoughts…entertaining to me, that is. Sometimes, I share these responses in comments, but it occurred to me recently that I shouldn’t be wasting them on Facebook because they would make excellent fodder for my writing. Sometimes these brief brain soundbytes trigger deeper thoughts and I should really be saving them for this forum. Facebook is fine for obtaining material, but if I share it there than I feel like Mark Zuckerburg owns it and he already has enough.

Here are a couple of random posts and the accompanying thoughts I had this morning…like a rollercoaster ride through my conscious brain. These aren’t in any particular order (mainly because I don’t remember what order I saw them and Facebook is good at spontaneously rearranging things). In fact, I just screenshotted everything that elicited a tangible thought so I could share them later.

This, however, I am sure was first:

Post: A New York Times article headline National Geographic and Fox Form a Commercial Media Company

Thought: I have finally found a mushroom…and apparently I ingested it because I seem to be hallucinating. Weirdest bedfellows ever. NatGeo features the natural beauty of our planet and Fox features the Family Guy and Sean Hannity. I guess that’s what they call diversifying?

And then all this happened:

P: A YouTube Video – Weatherman nails pronouncing Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch (which is evidently the name of a real town in Wales.)

T: Not enough vowels. This is what happens when people are allowed to name things (or people) at 3:00am as they stagger out of the corner pub. I would have liked to have been in the makeup room while this guy was practice-chanting this word over and over and over until it rolled off of his tongue because it was really impressive that he did it without stumbling. But then who would have known anyway because there aren’t enough vowels for it to be an actual word. There are 4 consecutive L’s for crying out loud.

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P: From the Commerical Appeal – Memphis announces its plans to honor former coach John Calipari

T: In other news, Satan installs central AC in Hell. Also, Derrick Rose opens ACT prep institute and think tank in Chicago.

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P: From Mental Floss – Chuck Jones’ Rules for Writing Road Runner Cartoons

T: We should all have rules this clear and concise. I should write some rules for each 30-day challenge. “A fanatic is one who redoubles his effort when he has forgotten his aim." ~George Santayana. We have a Congress full of coyotes. Also…say “Rules for Writing Road Runner” 10 times really fast.

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P: From the Washington Post – A giant ancient virus was just uncovered in melting ice – and it won’t be the last.

T: I hope whomever uncovered it isn’t figuring out a way to weaponized it…or that the food industry doesn’t figure out that it tastes good.

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P: From a friend via onlyinyourstate.com – Move to these 10 towns in Tennessee if you want to get away from it all

T: If I lived away from it all, what would I do on vacation? And even if I did decide to live away from it all, I wouldn’t move to any of these places because now that everyone knows where to go, they won’t be away from it all for very long. Las Vegas was once “away from it all”.

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P: From The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon – the clip of Fallon and Justin Timberlake performing History of Rap 6.

T: If Jimmy and Justin performed all rap songs, I wouldn’t hate rap songs. During a 5-minute medley I recognized 2 songs and one was by the Beastie Boys from 1987.  When did I become an old white man?

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P: Reposted by at least 4 FB friends – This…

T: Hashtag Truth. Also…I miss Lost.

There were more…that’s just a sampling. It’s a weird ride and then I look at the clock and 30 minutes have passed.

The good news is that in the midst of all of these non-life-altering thoughts that flood my brain, some good stuff filters out too. It’s like panning for gold….mostly dirt and pebbles, but when you find a diamond in the rough, put it in your pocket. So I did some of that too and now, for a few days at least, when I’m show up to meet my muse, she/he will see that I’m have not come empty-handed.

Is this really day 10 without sugar? I still want something sweet sometimes. I’ll tell you what there is too damn much of on Facebook and that is freakin’ recipes for dessert. I hide them. And then I eat a grape…which is enough because the ones in my fridge have clearly been engineered to be the size of my head. I have to cut them in half like I used to do for my kids when they were babies. Facebook temptation notwithstanding, I guess this is starting to feel like it could become the norm. But I also know that Charlie is lying in wait and all it will take is a single bite of something sweet and he will wake up ready to party again.

I suppose I’ll need to spend the next 20 days ponding if this really should be forever and whether or not that is even realistic. Also, if I do indulge now and then after the challenge is over will I have to endure the withdrawal headache each time. Since I’m evidently going to continue having sinus headaches and driving headaches …because I live in Memphis... regardless of what I eat or don’t eat, I’m going to have to decide whether anything tastes good enough for long enough to endure a headache I can prevent.