Well…I think I’ve finally come to grips with turning 40. Two
years late.
I’ll admit that I have spent way too much time being sad
about all the stuff that I can’t (or shouldn’t) do anymore like:
- I can’t lose weight fast or get away with not exercising for a couple of weeks.
- I can’t check the box next to that coveted 18-25 marketing demographic.
- I can’t audition for American Idol – not that I want to, I just think I should be able to because Steven Tyler and Mick Jagger are in their 70s and they are still playing to giant crowds of screaming people. So why is 30 a magic number, Simon Lithgoe? Explain yourself.
- I can stare at hot college guys on the beach – but I shouldn’t because…Cougartown.
- I can do Jello shots but definitely shouldn’t. And I learned the hard way.
- I don't have to try to be cool. No one is buying it anyway.
- I don't have to involve myself in drama. It's not my circus and those are not my monkeys -- and I'm really close on this. Really.
- I don't have to constantly self-edit because measuring every word is exhausting and unnecessary. I can say what’s on my mind and not be afraid.
- I don't have to feel obliged to “go out” because I am perfectly capable of entertaining myself. I get to say no to all-night dancing at the Honky Tonk. I have spent many long evenings dancing to country music and drinking really bad beer but without an ounce of enjoyment. I don’t like country music and on a scale of 1-10, I would rate my enjoyment of line dancing at a -4.
- I don't have to worry about how I look. I get to wear clothes that I like and feel good in rather than having to figure out what’s fashionable or trendy. I never have to step foot in Abercrombie and Fitch or Hollister or Express ever.
- I get to choose with whom I spend my leisure time (for the most part).
- I get to allow others to make different choices or have opposing opinions without interpreting it as a character judgment. And if they are judging my character, I get to ignore them.
It’s all
very liberating.
I figured
this all out today in a unique way and almost in a split second. I went for a
job interview…my first in over 17 years. It’s a job for which I am
well-qualified and would really enjoy, but going into it I knew that neither of
those facts would matter as much as my personality and how well it harmonized
with the person to whom I would report. With this in mind, I went in determined to be exactly who I was and be completely authentic in my
interaction. I have had bad jobs with bad bosses and horrendous personality clashes and in most of those cases it was
because I led them to believe that I could be something…or someone…that I was not and did not want to
be. That is a recipe for a bad fit.
Today, I put
on something appropriate, but comfortable -- not a power suit, but a representation
of what my everyday appearance would be in that office setting. I answered
questions very honestly about
- things that I like in a work culture and things that I don’t
- what my true skill set it and where my weaknesses might be evident
- how long I was willing to commit to the position
I was truthful
about my expectations and everything pertinent to their decision and the result was that I have never been more relaxed in a job interview. EVER. It was one of
the most pleasant conversations I can ever remember having. I was wearing a
sweater and boots – in September in Memphis – and I didn’t even break a sweat. It
wasn’t that I didn’t care…honestly, I think I would really enjoy this job…but I
don’t want to work anywhere that doesn’t want the real me.
However, none of
that led me to my epiphany…that moment came as I was exiting the interview room
and saw the next candidate sitting there waiting her turn.
Bless.
Her.
She was half
my age…for real. She was impeccably
dressed in a red power suit, not a hair out of place, makeup flawless, sitting
upright like she had a pole attached to her spine, and a look of terror on her
face. I didn’t stare, because….of course I didn’t stare…but as I glanced at her
face I was sure she might start crying. Anyway, I breezed past and exited the
reception area and all I could think of was that was me 20 years ago. I ached for her remembering that I was so desperate to be valued for what I could do that I gave no thought at all to
making sure I would be valued for who I was…because I never gave them a chance
to meet that person at the interview.
Of course, I’ve
just judged this poor young woman based on a cursory glance and I truly hope I
misjudged her. I hope that she went in there and blew the interviewer away and
that it was as pleasant for her as it was for me. And if she turns out to be a better fit, I wish nothing but the best for everyone.
I don’t do
red power suits anyway.
It all reminds
me of this quote by the great philosopher Theodore Geisel (Dr. Suess):
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Maybe the best thing about being in my forties is
that when I hear that quote or anything about the importance of honoring one’s
identity, I can smile to myself – not the cynical smile of someone thinking “yeah…right”
– but the satisfied smile of someone who
believes it.
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